courtlan

tonyballer:

it’s sad when you realize you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.

(via gypsyxx)

Last night, I thought about you.
Not really a big deal, because
I think about you most of the time.
But this time was different.
You see, most of the time when I think about you,
I repeat the moment of you leaving, that’s it.

But this time I saw you laughing and smiling.
I remembered that goofy look you’d get
When I did something dumb you thought was cute.
Your laugh was echoing in my mind,
And I almost felt happy. Then the reminder came. The moment of you leaving.

The moment that I should’ve seen coming
Finally came and I laughed it off.
You thought I was okay. Everyone did.
There was not a single person on this planet
That could’ve known my entire being was shattered.
It’s amazing what a couple giggles can mask.

I didn’t come to school the next day.
Not that you noticed.
I spent countless hours staring at my phone,
Waiting for a text I knew would never come.
I was crying my eyes out and I bet you were somewhere smiling.

Fast forward two months and you haven’t left my thoughts.
We may not even talk anymore but I feel your presence.
You surround me like a heavy dark cloud,
Reminding me that you are no longer mine
And you are gone.

Flash back four months,
And we’re sitting on my couch.
I am enveloped in you, you holding me close.
Our first kiss was a passionate one.
No drug could have ever compared to your lips.

I still see and feel everything from that day.
Every time I sit down on my couch
I get a painful reminder that your lips
Are not longer mine to kiss,
And it almost feels like I am losing you all over again.

I have all the gifts you gave me, and I’m sure you have mine.
They are all locked away along with the rest of my feelings
Because if you’re not here I have no desire to feel.
I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted..needed.
I tried so hard to be because I loved you.

I still love you.
You just don’t know that and probably never will.
But I’m sorry.
I’m so fucking sorry for loving you.
And I’m so fucking sorry that I have to be sorry for that.

—When you left there were no second thoughts, were there? You just left. (via myth-called-love)